I have worked my current job since the beginning of the year. I took this job out of necessity of a part time job with good pay so I would be able to have the flexibility to be home with my girls more and go to school while they are in school. While the schedule has worked in my favor, the job is a stretch for me and my abilities. As I close out my first year I realize that I am not a good fit for this job. While I have been able to get by and get it done, I am not comfortable that I am doing it to the fullest capability.
So I have decisions to make. I'd love to stay home but we can't afford it. I currently have children I watch before and after school that supplement income that was lost by taking a part-time job and I know I am guarnateed at least one full time child for babysitting. I would need at least one more full time child to make it worth me staying home but childcare is not always a guaranteed income.
The job I currently have, has no benefits, no vacation, or retirement...so I wouldn't lose anything but income if I left.
Looking for guidance, insight, advice, anything. I see pros and cons with both jobs. Anybody have some insight they'd love to share?
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Day Two of Thanks!
Today is day two of thanks for me- even though technically we should be on day 3! I'm always a day late and a dollar short!
Today I am thankful to not have a budget meeting at work this evening because I am not mentally prepared for it all.
:-)
So I'm really thankful for a relief from some stress.
What are you thankful for?
Today I am thankful to not have a budget meeting at work this evening because I am not mentally prepared for it all.
:-)
So I'm really thankful for a relief from some stress.
What are you thankful for?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Day one! :-)
Today is day one.
Day one of being thankful- for good health and a supportive family.
What are you thankful for?
Day one of being thankful- for good health and a supportive family.
What are you thankful for?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Selfless or Selfish?
As you may have heard from my previous blog back in August we had been expecting and found out we were expecting twins during the miscarriage process. I thought I was O.K. with the miscarriage as I knew it was possible for me to get pregnant (since I already have two kids) and that it was possible for my husband to get me pregnant (since it was confirmed with the pregnancy that was ending all too quickly). BUT it has affected me more than I thought. When it seems as though everybody around me has just had a baby or is going to have a baby in the near future there is a part of me that is envious of their feats.
I'm ready emotionally and physically to give up my body as I know it to carry a baby for 9 months to be uncomfortable but completely joyful to know that there is a baby growing in my womb. I am also ready to give up a few more luxuries to be able to afford a baby and make a few more sacrifices so that my husband can have a child of his own (even though he is completely content on being a father figure to my girls).
Am I being Selfless or Selfish to want and long to have just one more child?
I feel as though the door to having another child for us is quickly closing. Not because we CAN'T have anymore after a certain amount of time but because we don't want to have another child after a certain amount of time. I had my children young- gave up my later childhood to become a mom and part of me is looking forward to being a young mom with grown children, not wanting to start all over again when my older children are so close to being more self-sufficient. Is that selfless or selfish?
I feel so contradictory as I write this please help! Any comments are welcome. :-)
I'm ready emotionally and physically to give up my body as I know it to carry a baby for 9 months to be uncomfortable but completely joyful to know that there is a baby growing in my womb. I am also ready to give up a few more luxuries to be able to afford a baby and make a few more sacrifices so that my husband can have a child of his own (even though he is completely content on being a father figure to my girls).
Am I being Selfless or Selfish to want and long to have just one more child?
I feel as though the door to having another child for us is quickly closing. Not because we CAN'T have anymore after a certain amount of time but because we don't want to have another child after a certain amount of time. I had my children young- gave up my later childhood to become a mom and part of me is looking forward to being a young mom with grown children, not wanting to start all over again when my older children are so close to being more self-sufficient. Is that selfless or selfish?
I feel so contradictory as I write this please help! Any comments are welcome. :-)
Friday, October 21, 2011
Change....
Change is inevitable. Sometimes easy, sometimes hard but most of all it's going to happen at some point. Whether it's the change in your heart, the change that others create or change that is needed, there will come a time when it will happen.
I know I need to make changes, first and foremost, I need to change my attitude, to feel better about myself and my abilities and the accomplishments I have made so far.
Second some changes (yes, more than one!) need to happen in our home. Consistency is the first, we need to be more consistent with rules, priveleges and consequences. Chores is the second, we need to work on a schedule of who does what chore and when. Third is setting an example. How can I expect my kids to keep their room organized when I can't keep the dining room table clear!?
And lastly, we need to work on being more healthy. My oldest daughter is pushing the limits with her weight, I'm overweight and my husband is starting to gain. So some dietary changes need to be made and we all need to make an effort to be more healthy and active.
So these next couple of months we will be working on change, a little bit at a time.
I know I need to make changes, first and foremost, I need to change my attitude, to feel better about myself and my abilities and the accomplishments I have made so far.
Second some changes (yes, more than one!) need to happen in our home. Consistency is the first, we need to be more consistent with rules, priveleges and consequences. Chores is the second, we need to work on a schedule of who does what chore and when. Third is setting an example. How can I expect my kids to keep their room organized when I can't keep the dining room table clear!?
And lastly, we need to work on being more healthy. My oldest daughter is pushing the limits with her weight, I'm overweight and my husband is starting to gain. So some dietary changes need to be made and we all need to make an effort to be more healthy and active.
So these next couple of months we will be working on change, a little bit at a time.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Absence of a Father
When you are raising a child or children with out their father(s) you undoubtedly come across some questions from your child. They will want to know what they look like, who they were, how tall they were or how you met them. They will want to hold onto every shred of connection they can from their absent parent.
Sometimes you will feel second best to the absent parent or if you have a partner they may be compared to the absent father. It's painful, not only to one's ego, but also to see that a child can only associate with someone that is supposed to be a role model to them by the tid bits of information they have either from memory or from asking a zillion questions.
How do you cope? How do you encourage the curiousity when it irritates the life out of you to be asked so many questions about the person who just walked away? Do you lie? Do you tell the whole truth? You NEVER want to downgrade or destruct the person that your child longs to connect with. So you simply say "I don't know why he doens't call" or "He knows our phone number and where we live, it's up to him to come and see you". What do you do with the Christmas present your child bought the absent parent two years ago that you have stored in the hutch waiting for the day they can give it to that parent? Do you make it disappear or do you keep the constant reminder of the pain your child feels not knowing the person the gift was meant for?
When that absent person reappears, promising to do better, promising to want a relationship and begging to be let back in that child's life. Do you let them? Do you make them prove to you that they are sincere? Or do you let them repeat the pattern that has been since the day the child was born? If the child is young, do you let them have a say and then deal with their tears when the absent father doesn't show or makes promises they can't keep or do you protect them and not let them see that person again because you know the pain they will end up with in the end?
How do you hold the resentment back? How do you gracefully and tactfully communicate with that person who has the ability to walk away from a precious gift they help create?
You love your child, you stand by your child and you do what's best for that child. You show them who loves them and they will understand as they age that it wasn't their fault and that you never know why people do the things they do. You give them as much information as you can and you answer their questions as best as you know how. You support them and you make the decision that you feel is appropriate. You know your child better than anyone and you have their best intentions at heart. It's up to you whether you tell them the whole truth or you let them decide whether or not they see their bio-father. You also realize that you will be the one who has to wipe away the tears or soothe the fears. That you have to be the rock. That's what you do. You love them and protect them as best you can and you will know deep down what's right for them and what's safe for them.
Sometimes you will feel second best to the absent parent or if you have a partner they may be compared to the absent father. It's painful, not only to one's ego, but also to see that a child can only associate with someone that is supposed to be a role model to them by the tid bits of information they have either from memory or from asking a zillion questions.
How do you cope? How do you encourage the curiousity when it irritates the life out of you to be asked so many questions about the person who just walked away? Do you lie? Do you tell the whole truth? You NEVER want to downgrade or destruct the person that your child longs to connect with. So you simply say "I don't know why he doens't call" or "He knows our phone number and where we live, it's up to him to come and see you". What do you do with the Christmas present your child bought the absent parent two years ago that you have stored in the hutch waiting for the day they can give it to that parent? Do you make it disappear or do you keep the constant reminder of the pain your child feels not knowing the person the gift was meant for?
When that absent person reappears, promising to do better, promising to want a relationship and begging to be let back in that child's life. Do you let them? Do you make them prove to you that they are sincere? Or do you let them repeat the pattern that has been since the day the child was born? If the child is young, do you let them have a say and then deal with their tears when the absent father doesn't show or makes promises they can't keep or do you protect them and not let them see that person again because you know the pain they will end up with in the end?
How do you hold the resentment back? How do you gracefully and tactfully communicate with that person who has the ability to walk away from a precious gift they help create?
You love your child, you stand by your child and you do what's best for that child. You show them who loves them and they will understand as they age that it wasn't their fault and that you never know why people do the things they do. You give them as much information as you can and you answer their questions as best as you know how. You support them and you make the decision that you feel is appropriate. You know your child better than anyone and you have their best intentions at heart. It's up to you whether you tell them the whole truth or you let them decide whether or not they see their bio-father. You also realize that you will be the one who has to wipe away the tears or soothe the fears. That you have to be the rock. That's what you do. You love them and protect them as best you can and you will know deep down what's right for them and what's safe for them.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
School's In Session!
My daughters are back in school along with two or three other school districts in our area. My oldest was apprehensive about starting fourth grade because she thought it would be hard and my youngest was excited to go to school to show off her new wardrobe! Can you tell the difference in priorities!?
This school year I am putting my two plus three other children on the bus. The first child arrives at 6:45 so I am getting up at 6 or before to make sure I am ready and get the girls ready too. So far we are three days in and it's been smooth sailing. :-)
What I really like about this schedule is that I am officially starting to have a ROUTINE! I guess I do work best when I have a lot to do. I current get five on the bus, go to work or school and then return home to retrieve four off the bus. After school is homework and snack time. Before school is usually tv time or running around outside. I have yet to find another activity for the morning but so far I am keeping my table cleaned off for homework space, my sink empty for dirty dishes and my floors vacuumed for children who may want to lay around in the morning!
Hope the enthusiasm stays! Oh and did I mention with my tight schedule I have been able to stay AHEAD of schedule with homework for school!? Here's wishing everybody a successful school year!
This school year I am putting my two plus three other children on the bus. The first child arrives at 6:45 so I am getting up at 6 or before to make sure I am ready and get the girls ready too. So far we are three days in and it's been smooth sailing. :-)
What I really like about this schedule is that I am officially starting to have a ROUTINE! I guess I do work best when I have a lot to do. I current get five on the bus, go to work or school and then return home to retrieve four off the bus. After school is homework and snack time. Before school is usually tv time or running around outside. I have yet to find another activity for the morning but so far I am keeping my table cleaned off for homework space, my sink empty for dirty dishes and my floors vacuumed for children who may want to lay around in the morning!
Hope the enthusiasm stays! Oh and did I mention with my tight schedule I have been able to stay AHEAD of schedule with homework for school!? Here's wishing everybody a successful school year!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Am I crazy!?
After hearing about the show Extreme Couponing and after watching a few clips on the internet and reading about the money that can be saved, earned or not spent at all by extreme couponing; I have become curious as to how these people do it. I have read blogs, I have watched videos and now I feel as though I am ready to join the madness. I want to join the madness only because it will help our budget. Not because I want to stockpile a room in our house with three cases of toothpaste that I got for a few dollars or nothing at all but because I want to be able to buy the necessities our family needs at a really good price.
A friend of mine and I are talking about a "girls" night to cut coupons and maybe exchange coupons etc. Maybe we will start a club- maybe not- but either way our goal is to save money. To save ourselves a little grief at the grocery store and provide our family's with the things we need at little or no cost.
Am I crazy!? This means I have to be more organized and I have to dedicate one more evening of my time to something else. No, I can't be crazy to want to do this so my husband doesn't have to take on another job, so that we can spend more time together and be able to plan better for the things we want and need to do in the future. I have to do this and I will, for my family!
A friend of mine and I are talking about a "girls" night to cut coupons and maybe exchange coupons etc. Maybe we will start a club- maybe not- but either way our goal is to save money. To save ourselves a little grief at the grocery store and provide our family's with the things we need at little or no cost.
Am I crazy!? This means I have to be more organized and I have to dedicate one more evening of my time to something else. No, I can't be crazy to want to do this so my husband doesn't have to take on another job, so that we can spend more time together and be able to plan better for the things we want and need to do in the future. I have to do this and I will, for my family!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
An Unexpected Turn
Since my last post a few things have changed.
We found out the house that we were preparing to purchase is off the market. It's not sold but the owner decided to take if off the market. We are assuming he may have found a rentor or decided to move into the home himself. Either way, it's not available for purchase at the moment.
Friday I ended up back in the triage unit at the hospital and found out that my HCG (pregnancy hormones) levels dropped over a 100 points and we are losing the pregnancy. We were expecting the worse but still shocked that as quickly as we found out we were possibly having twins we found out we were losing them. A very high level of frustration has come out of this for me as I feel as though the physicians could have prepared us more on Wednesday. If I weren't educated I would have thought everything was fine when we left the hospital on Wednesday by the way the physicians explained things to us.
Also on Friday when we were in the triage unit we found out that the main water line into our house broke. So we rushed home to figure out that we couldn't fix it until the morning.
So I guess if it weren't for bad luck we wouldn't have luck at all. I have been praying for guidance and understanding of our circumstances and the only message I can come up with is that God is telling us we need to focus on other things now. That we don't need any more distractions or "wants" right now. So we fixed our water line, we are mending our broken spirit and re-evaluating our direction.
We found out the house that we were preparing to purchase is off the market. It's not sold but the owner decided to take if off the market. We are assuming he may have found a rentor or decided to move into the home himself. Either way, it's not available for purchase at the moment.
Friday I ended up back in the triage unit at the hospital and found out that my HCG (pregnancy hormones) levels dropped over a 100 points and we are losing the pregnancy. We were expecting the worse but still shocked that as quickly as we found out we were possibly having twins we found out we were losing them. A very high level of frustration has come out of this for me as I feel as though the physicians could have prepared us more on Wednesday. If I weren't educated I would have thought everything was fine when we left the hospital on Wednesday by the way the physicians explained things to us.
Also on Friday when we were in the triage unit we found out that the main water line into our house broke. So we rushed home to figure out that we couldn't fix it until the morning.
So I guess if it weren't for bad luck we wouldn't have luck at all. I have been praying for guidance and understanding of our circumstances and the only message I can come up with is that God is telling us we need to focus on other things now. That we don't need any more distractions or "wants" right now. So we fixed our water line, we are mending our broken spirit and re-evaluating our direction.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The beginning of a new journey!
It's been forever since I have blogged and I think it's long over due. My husband and I found out that we are expecting almost three weeks ago now. It's been fun and scary all at the same time. I brought two daughters into the marriage and they are currently 7.5 and almost 9 so that will make them 8 and 9.5 years old when I deliver.
Last week I ordered the stroller and carseat- because I knew exactly what I wanted and I didn't want them to go out of style before I delivered and they were on sale. :-) My husband jokingly asked what happens if you have a miscarriage or worse yet, we have twins! I laughed him off and simply told him that I have never had issues with my pregnancies so this baby will be just fine and twins don't run in the family.
The girls are super stoked about having a baby brother or sister. Each one wants the opposite gender. They love to go "window" shopping online with me and look at all the cute baby gear. We are making a mental list of all the things we are going to need and praying for a healthy baby and a smooth transition into a bigger family.
Yesterday was like any other day. I got up and took the girls to the sitters and then came to work. I went to the bathroom a lot and had some cramping but nothing that worried me too much. After work I had a dentist appointment and they were hesitant about giving me novicaine since I was so early in my pregnancy but my regular physician said I would be fine. So I didnt worry. After my appointment I rushed to the bathroom since my bladder was full again. To my horror I was bleeding. Not a lot but I don't ever have complications with my pregnancies (right!?).
My OB sent me to the local women's and babies hospital where they took my blood, and did an external and internal ultrasound. My husband and I sat there for what seemed like an eternity waiting on some word. Was I losing the baby? Did they find something they weren't expecting? What is going on?
When the doctor finally came back she told us that the bloodwork wasn't quite done yet but she wanted to let us know what was going on and would have the office read the results of the bloodwork in the morning. But the Rad Tech saw that they are pretty sure are two gestational sacks in my uterus. Two!? I think my jaw hit the floor! The doctor said not to get two excited yet but there is a possibility if everything is ok, you will be having twins. Twins!? Oh my goodness, how exciting! How scary! There may be two little babies growing inside me. Two!
Next week I will have a follow-up ultrasound. Only time will tell if everything is ok and a full confirmation of twins. Twins! Wow!
Last week I ordered the stroller and carseat- because I knew exactly what I wanted and I didn't want them to go out of style before I delivered and they were on sale. :-) My husband jokingly asked what happens if you have a miscarriage or worse yet, we have twins! I laughed him off and simply told him that I have never had issues with my pregnancies so this baby will be just fine and twins don't run in the family.
The girls are super stoked about having a baby brother or sister. Each one wants the opposite gender. They love to go "window" shopping online with me and look at all the cute baby gear. We are making a mental list of all the things we are going to need and praying for a healthy baby and a smooth transition into a bigger family.
Yesterday was like any other day. I got up and took the girls to the sitters and then came to work. I went to the bathroom a lot and had some cramping but nothing that worried me too much. After work I had a dentist appointment and they were hesitant about giving me novicaine since I was so early in my pregnancy but my regular physician said I would be fine. So I didnt worry. After my appointment I rushed to the bathroom since my bladder was full again. To my horror I was bleeding. Not a lot but I don't ever have complications with my pregnancies (right!?).
My OB sent me to the local women's and babies hospital where they took my blood, and did an external and internal ultrasound. My husband and I sat there for what seemed like an eternity waiting on some word. Was I losing the baby? Did they find something they weren't expecting? What is going on?
When the doctor finally came back she told us that the bloodwork wasn't quite done yet but she wanted to let us know what was going on and would have the office read the results of the bloodwork in the morning. But the Rad Tech saw that they are pretty sure are two gestational sacks in my uterus. Two!? I think my jaw hit the floor! The doctor said not to get two excited yet but there is a possibility if everything is ok, you will be having twins. Twins!? Oh my goodness, how exciting! How scary! There may be two little babies growing inside me. Two!
Next week I will have a follow-up ultrasound. Only time will tell if everything is ok and a full confirmation of twins. Twins! Wow!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Whew!
It's over! The wedding has come and went in the blink of an eye. But I made sure I took several moments of happiness, love and laughter away from it. Even a few stressful memories to remind me that the road of marriage isn't always fun, it's work and stress and communication too. People keep asking when or if we are taking a honeymoon. The answer is no or "not right now". Over the winter we had many issues with our furnace so we have decided to use what money we have put away and what was gifted to us into a new heating/cooling system in our house. While the task seems daunting and takes away from our fun, we realize the benefits of having a new system and finally having relief from heat in the summer. :-) So we may not be able to afford our "big" plans for this year, we always have something to look forward too next year.
Along with the wedding being over, the college semester was over for me on May 13. I have this week (which is almost over) to relax before summer courses begin. So our weekends have been busy as well as my days off. Preparation for having a yardsale or two has begun, organizing and rearranging has resumed and getting our schedule on track is underway.
So married life has begun, it's not really all that different from our life before but it is. Whew...I'm tired!
Along with the wedding being over, the college semester was over for me on May 13. I have this week (which is almost over) to relax before summer courses begin. So our weekends have been busy as well as my days off. Preparation for having a yardsale or two has begun, organizing and rearranging has resumed and getting our schedule on track is underway.
So married life has begun, it's not really all that different from our life before but it is. Whew...I'm tired!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
"Grace!?- She died 20 years ago"
If you know movies you know where that line comes from. Right now I feel as though my grace had died 20 years ago. I am trying so hard to be understanding, flexible and forgiving but it is a real challenge.
I couldn't tell you when it started or how, but several years ago, I noticed that the loving, caring, ever forgiving Meghan was slowly disappearing. Maybe it was the circumstances of the time, the over-exhausted helping hand that had been bitten too many times or some other trigger; but I have noticed a change in my attitude towards others.
I don't want to be cynical, judgemental or seem uncaring because I do care about people a lot. I care about people I shouldn't have to care about but that is me. So after reading a friends blog, and asking myself over and over again why I seem to pick people apart, I have decided to start seeing the good and helping to lift others and myself.
In all the hardships we all face, we must have faith and with faith should come grace. We should look at peoples' hard work, effort and good intentions instead of seeing their faults. Because God knows...we all have them. :-)
So here's to Grace and the hopes that she's not really dead!
I couldn't tell you when it started or how, but several years ago, I noticed that the loving, caring, ever forgiving Meghan was slowly disappearing. Maybe it was the circumstances of the time, the over-exhausted helping hand that had been bitten too many times or some other trigger; but I have noticed a change in my attitude towards others.
I don't want to be cynical, judgemental or seem uncaring because I do care about people a lot. I care about people I shouldn't have to care about but that is me. So after reading a friends blog, and asking myself over and over again why I seem to pick people apart, I have decided to start seeing the good and helping to lift others and myself.
In all the hardships we all face, we must have faith and with faith should come grace. We should look at peoples' hard work, effort and good intentions instead of seeing their faults. Because God knows...we all have them. :-)
So here's to Grace and the hopes that she's not really dead!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Great News, New Challenges and a New Outlook.
We have great news! I'm so excited to share. :-) Derek and I have officially decided to bring my girls home from Milton Hershey School. For those of you who don't know about MHS, I'd like to take a moment to tell you about it.
Milton Hershey School was founded by Milton S. Hershey of Hershey Foods Inc. (You know those delicious Hershey Bars, Hershey Kisses etc. Milton and his wife could not concieve children so he took his entire fortune from his company to build a school for orphan boys. Their mission was to assist these boys in having a future, follow God and be successful in education and work. In the last 101 years (They celebrated their 100th anniversary last year.) the school has evolved to change with the times. They school opened it's doors to girls in the 70s (I think) and has been continuing to open it's doors to under privileged and economically challenged students. It is NOT a military school, or a behavioral academy. They provide students with what their parent/s aren't able to provide either financially or recreationally.
I made the decision 4 years ago (before I met Derek) to enroll my girls into the school. I was tired of working two to three jobs to try and provide for them and myself. I rarely saw them and they were practically raised in a daycare (that I was only able to send them to with public assistance). I didn't qualify for much assistance so all my money went for food, housing, transportation and utility bills. I wanted more for them and because I wanted them to have more opportunities and not feel like they never had opportunities. I sacrificed the hardest thing, my time with them. I sacrificed being with them everyday, tucking them in at night, sending them off to school in the morning. I missed every first day of school and missed watching their school events. It was hard, no worse, it was crushing. But not anymore!
In December, Derek agreed to let me take on a PT job in order to save on daycare because we were already in the planning process to bring the girls home after the wedding. I started my PT job the first week in January. The first two months were super stressful due to the fact that I had never done accounting, payroll, filed witholding taxes or been involved with an audit. But I hit the ground running. I got through the audits and I learned quicker than ever and by the seat of my pants.
Then I found out the girls were on the roster to stay for summer school, I didn't want them to have to stay for summer school which shortens their 6 week summer down to just 3 weeks. Summer school at MHS isn't just for failing kids, but also an opportunity to get up to MHS high level of educational standards. So Derek and I decided we would pull the girls out of MHS right before the wedding. It made sense because they would then get to meet new friends where we live and have playmates during the summer. And of course that evolved into, their Easter break was over just a week and a half before the wedding, so it really made sense to just bring them home on April 15. :-)
But with that great news comes a new set of stress, we still have final details to get done for the wedding, my dress isn't done, I have papers and two presentations yet to do before finals week and I have to juggle the adjustment of getting 3 ready in the morning instead of 1. I know I'm ready for it, I just don't know how I'm going to do it. All this gives me a new outlook though, I have watched friends struggle with life obstacles all while working and going to school and raising kids and if they can do it. So can I, especially with the love and support that Derek has given me/us. I have noticed a new sense of calm in me, one that comes from experience that things will always get better and from the knowledge that I am where I'm supposed to be.
Milton Hershey School was founded by Milton S. Hershey of Hershey Foods Inc. (You know those delicious Hershey Bars, Hershey Kisses etc. Milton and his wife could not concieve children so he took his entire fortune from his company to build a school for orphan boys. Their mission was to assist these boys in having a future, follow God and be successful in education and work. In the last 101 years (They celebrated their 100th anniversary last year.) the school has evolved to change with the times. They school opened it's doors to girls in the 70s (I think) and has been continuing to open it's doors to under privileged and economically challenged students. It is NOT a military school, or a behavioral academy. They provide students with what their parent/s aren't able to provide either financially or recreationally.
I made the decision 4 years ago (before I met Derek) to enroll my girls into the school. I was tired of working two to three jobs to try and provide for them and myself. I rarely saw them and they were practically raised in a daycare (that I was only able to send them to with public assistance). I didn't qualify for much assistance so all my money went for food, housing, transportation and utility bills. I wanted more for them and because I wanted them to have more opportunities and not feel like they never had opportunities. I sacrificed the hardest thing, my time with them. I sacrificed being with them everyday, tucking them in at night, sending them off to school in the morning. I missed every first day of school and missed watching their school events. It was hard, no worse, it was crushing. But not anymore!
In December, Derek agreed to let me take on a PT job in order to save on daycare because we were already in the planning process to bring the girls home after the wedding. I started my PT job the first week in January. The first two months were super stressful due to the fact that I had never done accounting, payroll, filed witholding taxes or been involved with an audit. But I hit the ground running. I got through the audits and I learned quicker than ever and by the seat of my pants.
Then I found out the girls were on the roster to stay for summer school, I didn't want them to have to stay for summer school which shortens their 6 week summer down to just 3 weeks. Summer school at MHS isn't just for failing kids, but also an opportunity to get up to MHS high level of educational standards. So Derek and I decided we would pull the girls out of MHS right before the wedding. It made sense because they would then get to meet new friends where we live and have playmates during the summer. And of course that evolved into, their Easter break was over just a week and a half before the wedding, so it really made sense to just bring them home on April 15. :-)
But with that great news comes a new set of stress, we still have final details to get done for the wedding, my dress isn't done, I have papers and two presentations yet to do before finals week and I have to juggle the adjustment of getting 3 ready in the morning instead of 1. I know I'm ready for it, I just don't know how I'm going to do it. All this gives me a new outlook though, I have watched friends struggle with life obstacles all while working and going to school and raising kids and if they can do it. So can I, especially with the love and support that Derek has given me/us. I have noticed a new sense of calm in me, one that comes from experience that things will always get better and from the knowledge that I am where I'm supposed to be.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Luck of the Irish or Murphy's Law?
This morning I was abruptly awakened to Derek's attempt to get our furnace up and running. Our furnace has been acting up for two winters now. Last year wasn't so bad, it was just annoying. Derek thought it was a glitch in the thermostat until this year. We have had someone out to work on our furnace almost monthly this winter. This morning was slightly different than the other times and more frightening too.
Usually our furnace just won't turn on, so we have to reset it. This year our furnace pumps too much oil into the fire box and then when the furnace ignites it sends the horrible smelling fuel fumes throughout our house. Last night however, the pump kept pumping fuel and the fire box never ignited. So when Derek went to start the furnace this morning it made this awful chugging noise. (It was shaking the walls- I know that's not saying much because we live in a trailer-but it was still nerve racking)
After turning off the furnace, a fire was still ignited in the firebox because of all the oil residue in the box. There was oil on the outside of our furnace this time too, that's what made me nervous. When Derek called our oil company at 6:00 am this morning they said the fire would stay contained in the box, my question was, if the fire stays contained, how does the oil get on the outside? So the fire stayed lit in the firebox for over 30 minutes. Black smoke rolling out of our chimney.
The good news, the fire finally snuffed out, our repair man came and replaced the pump and sprayed some awesome odor eliminating spray into our blower fan so that it filled our house with a pleasant smell rather than heating oil fumes. The bad news, our furnace control module is on it's way out.
More good news, spring is coming! The relief-- we will be buying a new furnace, switching from oil (because we are now required to by the mobile home park) to propane and getting central air! I'm excited but hesitant as I know it won't be free. But I know it will calm my worries about my family's safety and comfort.
Some more good, I found my camera that has been missing for a week, where I left it, in my dress coat pocket (that shows you how much I wear that thing!), our projects for the wedding are coming along smoothly, we meet with our DJ tonight and Cake Baker on Sunday.
The not so good, I accidently deleted all the pictures off of Derek's camera last night by accident. It wouldn't have been so bad because all the pictures were already downloaded on the computer EXCEPT the ones I took last weekend of my youngest holding my great nephew with her sister and my sisters dog all curled up together! (I guess it calls for a picture re-do!) Such as life. I have the memory.
Looking forward to a smoother downhill ride to the day. AND I'm hoping when I lose the Murphy name the Law goes with it! :)
Usually our furnace just won't turn on, so we have to reset it. This year our furnace pumps too much oil into the fire box and then when the furnace ignites it sends the horrible smelling fuel fumes throughout our house. Last night however, the pump kept pumping fuel and the fire box never ignited. So when Derek went to start the furnace this morning it made this awful chugging noise. (It was shaking the walls- I know that's not saying much because we live in a trailer-but it was still nerve racking)
After turning off the furnace, a fire was still ignited in the firebox because of all the oil residue in the box. There was oil on the outside of our furnace this time too, that's what made me nervous. When Derek called our oil company at 6:00 am this morning they said the fire would stay contained in the box, my question was, if the fire stays contained, how does the oil get on the outside? So the fire stayed lit in the firebox for over 30 minutes. Black smoke rolling out of our chimney.
The good news, the fire finally snuffed out, our repair man came and replaced the pump and sprayed some awesome odor eliminating spray into our blower fan so that it filled our house with a pleasant smell rather than heating oil fumes. The bad news, our furnace control module is on it's way out.
More good news, spring is coming! The relief-- we will be buying a new furnace, switching from oil (because we are now required to by the mobile home park) to propane and getting central air! I'm excited but hesitant as I know it won't be free. But I know it will calm my worries about my family's safety and comfort.
Some more good, I found my camera that has been missing for a week, where I left it, in my dress coat pocket (that shows you how much I wear that thing!), our projects for the wedding are coming along smoothly, we meet with our DJ tonight and Cake Baker on Sunday.
The not so good, I accidently deleted all the pictures off of Derek's camera last night by accident. It wouldn't have been so bad because all the pictures were already downloaded on the computer EXCEPT the ones I took last weekend of my youngest holding my great nephew with her sister and my sisters dog all curled up together! (I guess it calls for a picture re-do!) Such as life. I have the memory.
Looking forward to a smoother downhill ride to the day. AND I'm hoping when I lose the Murphy name the Law goes with it! :)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
So Full
Derek and I went to Chapel service with my girls this morning at MHS. I will be honest that I grumble and mumble about how annoying it is to have to pick my girls up on a Saturday and drive an hour home, have them spend the night and have to drive them an hour back to Hershey on Sunday morning to go to chapel with them and then turn around and drive back home for 4-5 hours before we have to drive back to Hershey by 5:00 pm to drop them back off at the student home because it's mandatory on this weekend to take them to chapel and it's always mandatory to take them back to the student home by 5:00 pm on Sundays.
But whenn we get there, I feel blessed. I have an overwhelming feeling flood my body and my heart feels full. Today my heart felt especially full. I don't know if it was because we were about to worship the Almighty, or the fact that they had elementary students reading scriptures and leading us in prayer, or the fact that my fiance was there supporting US, that we are about to officially become a family in two months, we sang Amazing Grace and it brought tears to my eyes. There was a soloist (an MHS student- HS Division) sing "Held" by Natalie Grant. The question was asked today... "Who do you serve?" I will be frank, I have never fully served God, but it's something I want to do. I just don't always know how, and sometimes I feel out of place, awkward or ignorant to His work.
I wasn't raised going to church. We didn't really speak of God. Except for the not-so-nice Oh my (fill in the blank). I believe in Him, but I know I don't always serve Him. But either way, I know when I walk into His house of worship, any of them, I feel full, I feel an overwhelming sensation come over my body, it makes me feel whole, it fills my eyes with tears. I know that when Derek and I bring the girls home, I'd really like to find a church that we all feel comfortable in and go. We may not go every Sunday, but I'd still like to have that "extended family", that place where we can go to honor our creator.
But whenn we get there, I feel blessed. I have an overwhelming feeling flood my body and my heart feels full. Today my heart felt especially full. I don't know if it was because we were about to worship the Almighty, or the fact that they had elementary students reading scriptures and leading us in prayer, or the fact that my fiance was there supporting US, that we are about to officially become a family in two months, we sang Amazing Grace and it brought tears to my eyes. There was a soloist (an MHS student- HS Division) sing "Held" by Natalie Grant. The question was asked today... "Who do you serve?" I will be frank, I have never fully served God, but it's something I want to do. I just don't always know how, and sometimes I feel out of place, awkward or ignorant to His work.
I wasn't raised going to church. We didn't really speak of God. Except for the not-so-nice Oh my (fill in the blank). I believe in Him, but I know I don't always serve Him. But either way, I know when I walk into His house of worship, any of them, I feel full, I feel an overwhelming sensation come over my body, it makes me feel whole, it fills my eyes with tears. I know that when Derek and I bring the girls home, I'd really like to find a church that we all feel comfortable in and go. We may not go every Sunday, but I'd still like to have that "extended family", that place where we can go to honor our creator.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Heavy Thoughts
I have always had image issues. Some of them ingrained into me as a child by my mother's constant chants of "suck in your stomach, dress nice, it's important to make a good first impression and you're going to make people think badly of you". I am thankful for her advice and wisdom (most of it). I just feel as though some of it has made me insecure.
I know for a fact that my mother is insecure, she would never leave her house without looking top of the nine and with a fresh coat of make-up on and her hair all done up nice. She's still that way. It's her pride, it's all she has. She wasn't raised in a loving household like most imagine, she had a really rough childhood, growing up in the 40's with an abusive father and ignorant mother. She was one of 6, the "middle" child. Somewhat raised by her eldest sister. But that's another story... She's come far, she's raised 3 of her 4 children, the best way she knew how. She tried her hardest to instill good manners, respect and dignity into us. Some of it worked, and some didn't but that's the trials of motherhood, I guess. My mom hasn't had success in marriage or most of her relationships and this isn't some "mother-bashing" session, it's just merely stating the unapparent. She holds her head up high, but inside, I know she's just like me.
She fears that people ridicule her; that she doesn't have "real" friends,; that she is always there for people, not expecting anything in return but in the chance that she does need them, they are nowhere to be found. There are other people who are in her life, relations that should be there and aren't, people who say they care, but can't even stop in to pay her a visit. I feel the same way, I feel as though there are certain people in my life that feel like I should just drop everything and run to them.
I'm tired, no actually I'm exhausted.
My insecurities are high at this moment. I had goals of losing weight for the wedding, but instead I'm sure I gained more. I haven't touched my scale in months out of fear of what it would say. It doesn't help my morale when someone who has never had to wear anything above a size 6 try to empathize with me. Ok, I understand, you may have gained 15 pounds in 7 months, but get over it hunny! I'm 70 lbs overweight. It affects me severely, but can I or do I do anything about it. No.
My mom suggests that I should get my thyroid checked, I may have an issue, I don't. Trust me, I have had my thyroid checked three times, my grandmother says, "it runs in the family". Why is that just ok? My mom is a stick, my dad is "thick" and I'm fat. It depresses me. My doctor says to increase my activity, my mom says I overload myself, my shins scream in pain, the house shakes when I work out and I just want to be able to eat something without the worry of gaining another pound!
I can outrun my fiance who is pretty thin, and I know that being thin doesn't mean that you are healthy, but seriously, I have asthma and I'm FAT and I run circles around him.
I need help, but at the moment there is none, I'm not heavy enough to have any kind of "intervention", I don't have enough money for a gym membership or the will-power to do it myself anymore. I'm inpatient and I want to see results and to be honest, I don't want to have to workout the rest of my life just to maintain some stupid image of myself. But how can you not, when you should have a flat stomach, boobs, long slender legs and a beautiful complexion according to "standards". When "plus-size" websites, commercials and advertising is showing off women who are a size 12-14. That's not plus, that's the old me, the "thin" me. That however does explain my insecurities when I was that size though.
I know I need to change things in order to change me. But I don't binge eat, I drink more water than anything and I'm active (not as much as I should be...I know). If being thin and "comfortable" means that I have to live 'uncomfortably' --AKA-never eating chocolate, sweets, ice cream, pasta or ketchup ever again. Well I guess I would rather be fat.
I'm sure this is stress from planning a wedding, learning and new profession and going to school all at the same time. But every word is true. I'm feeling insecure about what I look like, the friendships I have and my role as a parent/responsible adult. But who doesn't!? We're all human....aren't we?
I know for a fact that my mother is insecure, she would never leave her house without looking top of the nine and with a fresh coat of make-up on and her hair all done up nice. She's still that way. It's her pride, it's all she has. She wasn't raised in a loving household like most imagine, she had a really rough childhood, growing up in the 40's with an abusive father and ignorant mother. She was one of 6, the "middle" child. Somewhat raised by her eldest sister. But that's another story... She's come far, she's raised 3 of her 4 children, the best way she knew how. She tried her hardest to instill good manners, respect and dignity into us. Some of it worked, and some didn't but that's the trials of motherhood, I guess. My mom hasn't had success in marriage or most of her relationships and this isn't some "mother-bashing" session, it's just merely stating the unapparent. She holds her head up high, but inside, I know she's just like me.
She fears that people ridicule her; that she doesn't have "real" friends,; that she is always there for people, not expecting anything in return but in the chance that she does need them, they are nowhere to be found. There are other people who are in her life, relations that should be there and aren't, people who say they care, but can't even stop in to pay her a visit. I feel the same way, I feel as though there are certain people in my life that feel like I should just drop everything and run to them.
I'm tired, no actually I'm exhausted.
My insecurities are high at this moment. I had goals of losing weight for the wedding, but instead I'm sure I gained more. I haven't touched my scale in months out of fear of what it would say. It doesn't help my morale when someone who has never had to wear anything above a size 6 try to empathize with me. Ok, I understand, you may have gained 15 pounds in 7 months, but get over it hunny! I'm 70 lbs overweight. It affects me severely, but can I or do I do anything about it. No.
My mom suggests that I should get my thyroid checked, I may have an issue, I don't. Trust me, I have had my thyroid checked three times, my grandmother says, "it runs in the family". Why is that just ok? My mom is a stick, my dad is "thick" and I'm fat. It depresses me. My doctor says to increase my activity, my mom says I overload myself, my shins scream in pain, the house shakes when I work out and I just want to be able to eat something without the worry of gaining another pound!
I can outrun my fiance who is pretty thin, and I know that being thin doesn't mean that you are healthy, but seriously, I have asthma and I'm FAT and I run circles around him.
I need help, but at the moment there is none, I'm not heavy enough to have any kind of "intervention", I don't have enough money for a gym membership or the will-power to do it myself anymore. I'm inpatient and I want to see results and to be honest, I don't want to have to workout the rest of my life just to maintain some stupid image of myself. But how can you not, when you should have a flat stomach, boobs, long slender legs and a beautiful complexion according to "standards". When "plus-size" websites, commercials and advertising is showing off women who are a size 12-14. That's not plus, that's the old me, the "thin" me. That however does explain my insecurities when I was that size though.
I know I need to change things in order to change me. But I don't binge eat, I drink more water than anything and I'm active (not as much as I should be...I know). If being thin and "comfortable" means that I have to live 'uncomfortably' --AKA-never eating chocolate, sweets, ice cream, pasta or ketchup ever again. Well I guess I would rather be fat.
I'm sure this is stress from planning a wedding, learning and new profession and going to school all at the same time. But every word is true. I'm feeling insecure about what I look like, the friendships I have and my role as a parent/responsible adult. But who doesn't!? We're all human....aren't we?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
A union of two plus two...
The wedding plans are coming along, but I realized today that in all the hustle and bustle of planning "our" big day that I was overlooking a very crucial part of our wedding....
When Derek and I discussed the possibility of marriage we discussed many things "we" wanted. I wanted to have a destination wedding with close friends and family, he wanted a traditional wedding close to home that didn't require everybody to travel somewhere (plus the added cost of the traveling). We decided to have an outdoor wedding in a local park, it was a good compromise for me (and him since he didn't care where we got married, as long as it was local). We discussed who we'd invite, where we would honeymoon and then eventually where we'd possibly buy a house for our family.
When we discussed the "ring", Derek asked me what type of ring I would want. I explained to him that I wanted something different, unique a three stone ring with colored stones, possibly orange since it's my favorite color. He then suggested his idea, "I thought I would get your girls' birthstones put in the ring, because I didn't fall in love with just one girl, but three". I almost cried, but since I "never" cry, I smiled and thought to myself, "where has this guy been my whole life!?"
So a unique, three stone ring with colored stones is what he proposed with. He also saved the diamonds that were originally on the ring to be set into something we would give to the girls, eventually.
So from that point on our wedding plans have been all about joining not just him and I, but all four of us, into one family. When we met with our pastor and told her our plans to include the girls in our wedding ceremony she thought it was great but confided with us that she has never done a family union before so she wanted to do some research. Our honeymoon will be a "family"moon, a trip to Disney for ALL of us to share together.
A website that I have found very helpful is http://www.idotaketwo.com/child_wedding.html there are sample vows for parents and children, unique gifts and advice. I have found several other sites as well just by google searching "family union wedding", "vows for children in wedding", "combined marriages" etc. I have been pleased to find so much on non-traditional weddings but there was something I have been overlooking. That special gift, preferrably a necklace for Derek to present to the girls during the ceremony.
We really had our hearts set on finding them a necklace that had their birthstone in it and the option of adding one of the original diamonds that came out of my ring. That way they would have an original piece of my ring as well and something signifying the importance of them in the wedding and our lives.
So what to get, a heart, a family medallion, a key or something specific to the girls? There are so many possibilities and Derek and I are really struggling to find something we both think is appropriate for them.
So a web searching I will go and maybe even try to find a custom jeweler...but that I fear will be too expensive. I just need to remember to not procastinate on finding something special to share with them on our wedding day because, on May 7, 2011, the spotlight shouldn't just be on Derek and I.
Our love goes deeper than each other, we have pieces of our hearts' in my two daughters. The bond in our family is greater than a man and a woman, it is a union of two plus two.
When Derek and I discussed the possibility of marriage we discussed many things "we" wanted. I wanted to have a destination wedding with close friends and family, he wanted a traditional wedding close to home that didn't require everybody to travel somewhere (plus the added cost of the traveling). We decided to have an outdoor wedding in a local park, it was a good compromise for me (and him since he didn't care where we got married, as long as it was local). We discussed who we'd invite, where we would honeymoon and then eventually where we'd possibly buy a house for our family.
When we discussed the "ring", Derek asked me what type of ring I would want. I explained to him that I wanted something different, unique a three stone ring with colored stones, possibly orange since it's my favorite color. He then suggested his idea, "I thought I would get your girls' birthstones put in the ring, because I didn't fall in love with just one girl, but three". I almost cried, but since I "never" cry, I smiled and thought to myself, "where has this guy been my whole life!?"
So a unique, three stone ring with colored stones is what he proposed with. He also saved the diamonds that were originally on the ring to be set into something we would give to the girls, eventually.
So from that point on our wedding plans have been all about joining not just him and I, but all four of us, into one family. When we met with our pastor and told her our plans to include the girls in our wedding ceremony she thought it was great but confided with us that she has never done a family union before so she wanted to do some research. Our honeymoon will be a "family"moon, a trip to Disney for ALL of us to share together.
A website that I have found very helpful is http://www.idotaketwo.com/child_wedding.html there are sample vows for parents and children, unique gifts and advice. I have found several other sites as well just by google searching "family union wedding", "vows for children in wedding", "combined marriages" etc. I have been pleased to find so much on non-traditional weddings but there was something I have been overlooking. That special gift, preferrably a necklace for Derek to present to the girls during the ceremony.
We really had our hearts set on finding them a necklace that had their birthstone in it and the option of adding one of the original diamonds that came out of my ring. That way they would have an original piece of my ring as well and something signifying the importance of them in the wedding and our lives.
So what to get, a heart, a family medallion, a key or something specific to the girls? There are so many possibilities and Derek and I are really struggling to find something we both think is appropriate for them.
So a web searching I will go and maybe even try to find a custom jeweler...but that I fear will be too expensive. I just need to remember to not procastinate on finding something special to share with them on our wedding day because, on May 7, 2011, the spotlight shouldn't just be on Derek and I.
Our love goes deeper than each other, we have pieces of our hearts' in my two daughters. The bond in our family is greater than a man and a woman, it is a union of two plus two.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Plans coming together...
My fiance and I have been engaged for over a year, we decided to have a long engagement to enable ourselves time-- time to save money, time to adjust to living together, and time to plan. I was so ready to start planning things, but I wasn't sure where to start considering I wanted a "cheap" DIY wedding. As I began to look at ceremony/reception places I realized that "cheap" was not in the works.
This didn't sit well with me at first because all I really wanted was nice scenery, a place that was big enough to hold at least a hundred people because I'm sure that's how many people will be coming if not more. (Still not really sure how to gauge how many people will be there.) I believe that if people continue to pay these outrageous prices for these farms and venues they will continue to charge an outrageous fee. (But that's another argument altogether.) So we decided to pick a park. It was next to nothing price wise but we will be doing everything ourselves and I'm O.K. with that!
So the plans-- First our colors are Tangerine (Orange) and Horizon (Royal Blue). I had originally wanted a colbalt blue but really had trouble finding dresses in that color.
Ceremony, Ceremony here we come...soon! It will be outdoors, in the Garden of Five Senses at Lancaster County Central Park. There is a gazebo there, it is quite industrialized and ugly up close but it will provide a nice backdrop with very little decorating. The lawn is on a hill so it provided a slight challenge in the planning process but I think we have it worked out. We decided not to rent chairs due to the short amount of time that we have the lawn for, so everybody will be responsible for providing their own seat. We will have the aisle marked with the aisle runner and shepherds hooks with floral balls adorning every hook. I am still undecided on whether or not to rope off the shepherds hooks with tulle yet. As for our "getaway" vehicle that is still in the air.
Partay! The reception is at the other side of the park in an indoor pavillion. Now when everybody thinks pavillion they think, picnic tables and rustic atmosphere. It's actually kind of nice, there are folding tables and chairs, a fireplace, a kitchen, indoor toilets and enclosed walls with windows. As for the decorating, we will be using mostly disposables so that clean up is a breeze. Since orange and blue can be a tricky combination we decided have white be the main color and then accent with orange and blue. As for the favors, there will be two kinds, we will be doing a candy buffet where everyone will be able to take some of our sweets home with them and their name tag holders will also double as a favor.
As for food...we will have a buffet of chicken and ribs, various salads, and healthy snacks. We just don't know who will be catering it yet...My cake is being done by a friend and I'm more than sure that she will please all the guests (the ones that actually like to eat cake).
Flowers..well they have been a bit tricky. I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I'm not sure. If I were paying for them (which I had originally thought we were) it would be completely different. But now someone has offered to buy them and it seems as though the process just got a whole lot more difficult. It doesn't seem to matter what "I" want anymore...but we have time to work on that. :)
So it seems as though plans are moving along, our guest list is all but finished and we will be sending out invites in early March as soon as we finalize some little details.
All in all the plans seem to be coming together...slowly...but surely!
This didn't sit well with me at first because all I really wanted was nice scenery, a place that was big enough to hold at least a hundred people because I'm sure that's how many people will be coming if not more. (Still not really sure how to gauge how many people will be there.) I believe that if people continue to pay these outrageous prices for these farms and venues they will continue to charge an outrageous fee. (But that's another argument altogether.) So we decided to pick a park. It was next to nothing price wise but we will be doing everything ourselves and I'm O.K. with that!
So the plans-- First our colors are Tangerine (Orange) and Horizon (Royal Blue). I had originally wanted a colbalt blue but really had trouble finding dresses in that color.
Ceremony, Ceremony here we come...soon! It will be outdoors, in the Garden of Five Senses at Lancaster County Central Park. There is a gazebo there, it is quite industrialized and ugly up close but it will provide a nice backdrop with very little decorating. The lawn is on a hill so it provided a slight challenge in the planning process but I think we have it worked out. We decided not to rent chairs due to the short amount of time that we have the lawn for, so everybody will be responsible for providing their own seat. We will have the aisle marked with the aisle runner and shepherds hooks with floral balls adorning every hook. I am still undecided on whether or not to rope off the shepherds hooks with tulle yet. As for our "getaway" vehicle that is still in the air.
Partay! The reception is at the other side of the park in an indoor pavillion. Now when everybody thinks pavillion they think, picnic tables and rustic atmosphere. It's actually kind of nice, there are folding tables and chairs, a fireplace, a kitchen, indoor toilets and enclosed walls with windows. As for the decorating, we will be using mostly disposables so that clean up is a breeze. Since orange and blue can be a tricky combination we decided have white be the main color and then accent with orange and blue. As for the favors, there will be two kinds, we will be doing a candy buffet where everyone will be able to take some of our sweets home with them and their name tag holders will also double as a favor.
As for food...we will have a buffet of chicken and ribs, various salads, and healthy snacks. We just don't know who will be catering it yet...My cake is being done by a friend and I'm more than sure that she will please all the guests (the ones that actually like to eat cake).
Flowers..well they have been a bit tricky. I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I'm not sure. If I were paying for them (which I had originally thought we were) it would be completely different. But now someone has offered to buy them and it seems as though the process just got a whole lot more difficult. It doesn't seem to matter what "I" want anymore...but we have time to work on that. :)
So it seems as though plans are moving along, our guest list is all but finished and we will be sending out invites in early March as soon as we finalize some little details.
All in all the plans seem to be coming together...slowly...but surely!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Does it really matter?
It's Valentines day, everybody knows it. It's the 14th day of the second month of the year. Some call it V-day, some call it over-priced, useless, and a "hallmark" holiday. But doesn't it seem as though ALL holidays have become over the top?
Everybody knows at least one person (if not more) that "demands" a gift on Valentines Day...usually a gift sent to the work place, to essentially (as I see it) to "show off". I'm not saying that a nice gift of flowers, a box of chocolate, a love note or card, or even a piece of jewelry are gifts that people should or should not give to their beloved. But why does it have to be on the 14th day of the second month of the year. Don't get me wrong, I love gifts from my significant other and especially from my children (usually because they are handmade!). I'm also not going to lie and say I have never wished to get such gifts delivered to me at my work place to get attention and make others slightly envious.
I don't think such gifts should be demanded nor do I think they need to be held up as a sign to the universe to say "look how much someone loves me" especially when the person holding up the billboard probably sent a HUGE hint of "I really want you to send me flowers at work, or I really want this piece of jewelry etc..."
I know this sounds really cynical but I'm not trying to be (really I'm not). And maybe my view lens is slightly fogged at the moment. Maybe I am looking at it all wrong. Maybe everybody is "showing off" their gifts as a way to "thank" and boost their partners ego a little in order to show them that they are proud of what a great way their partner showed them they cared.
I got a gift. Actually I will be honest I asked for my gift (in a way). I wanted a card and chocolate (I essentially told him I didn't want a stuffed animal or for him to buy me anything expensive)but most of all I wanted to share my love with my loves. I'm a "get more out of giving" person.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, does it really matter if you are getting a gift on the 14th day of the second month of the year?
I like to show my loved ones I care. I give my partner a card almost once (maybe sometimes, more than once) a month. Just a little pick "him" up to tell him, he makes me feel special and I appreciate all he does for me and my girls. I don't think you can tell or show someone how much you appreciate and care for them too much. I think that's what keeps love alive. I made gifts for some of my closest friends. With intentions of delivering them over the weekend but it didn't happen due to me becoming ill and I fear that those gifts (that were edible) are no longer any good. So when I have a free moment (even though it won't be the 14th day of the second month of the year anymore) I will hand deliver my edible goodies to tell my friends how much I care and I will continue to share my love with my loves on any day of the year that I feel is appropriate...not just wait for the 14th day of the second month of the year to give it.
By the way, if it counts. I actually got my gifts on the 13th! :)
Everybody knows at least one person (if not more) that "demands" a gift on Valentines Day...usually a gift sent to the work place, to essentially (as I see it) to "show off". I'm not saying that a nice gift of flowers, a box of chocolate, a love note or card, or even a piece of jewelry are gifts that people should or should not give to their beloved. But why does it have to be on the 14th day of the second month of the year. Don't get me wrong, I love gifts from my significant other and especially from my children (usually because they are handmade!). I'm also not going to lie and say I have never wished to get such gifts delivered to me at my work place to get attention and make others slightly envious.
I don't think such gifts should be demanded nor do I think they need to be held up as a sign to the universe to say "look how much someone loves me" especially when the person holding up the billboard probably sent a HUGE hint of "I really want you to send me flowers at work, or I really want this piece of jewelry etc..."
I know this sounds really cynical but I'm not trying to be (really I'm not). And maybe my view lens is slightly fogged at the moment. Maybe I am looking at it all wrong. Maybe everybody is "showing off" their gifts as a way to "thank" and boost their partners ego a little in order to show them that they are proud of what a great way their partner showed them they cared.
I got a gift. Actually I will be honest I asked for my gift (in a way). I wanted a card and chocolate (I essentially told him I didn't want a stuffed animal or for him to buy me anything expensive)but most of all I wanted to share my love with my loves. I'm a "get more out of giving" person.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, does it really matter if you are getting a gift on the 14th day of the second month of the year?
I like to show my loved ones I care. I give my partner a card almost once (maybe sometimes, more than once) a month. Just a little pick "him" up to tell him, he makes me feel special and I appreciate all he does for me and my girls. I don't think you can tell or show someone how much you appreciate and care for them too much. I think that's what keeps love alive. I made gifts for some of my closest friends. With intentions of delivering them over the weekend but it didn't happen due to me becoming ill and I fear that those gifts (that were edible) are no longer any good. So when I have a free moment (even though it won't be the 14th day of the second month of the year anymore) I will hand deliver my edible goodies to tell my friends how much I care and I will continue to share my love with my loves on any day of the year that I feel is appropriate...not just wait for the 14th day of the second month of the year to give it.
By the way, if it counts. I actually got my gifts on the 13th! :)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Here Goes!
I often read friends' blogs and even blogs of people I don't know. I find what people have to say about (almost) anything so interesting. So I asked myself, "why don't you write a blog?"
Here goes!
I love to write (and talk). When I had an account on MySpace I wrote about things frequently. I tried only once on Facebook to write a post but never got much response. So I thought to myself, a blog may be more appropriate.
So what to write about? How about the decision to name my blog "Rumblestrips". It took me awhile to come up with a name for my blog. I think it's one of the reasons it took me so long to even consider starting a blog. I wanted the name to be catchy, unique and have some kind of meaning. Rumblestrips is symbolic to all the bumps in the road of life. All those unexpected, loud, vibrations that can usually be a warning of what's to come or in hopes of waking us up before we have a collision. Or it could signify the laughs that are caused by those rumbling vibrations we feel as we pass over those bumps in the road. Either way it signifies something meaningful (to me anyway) on the road of life. :) What does it mean to you?
So with that being said, sit down, buckle up and hold on, because we're about to start our journey on Rumblestrips.
Here goes!
I love to write (and talk). When I had an account on MySpace I wrote about things frequently. I tried only once on Facebook to write a post but never got much response. So I thought to myself, a blog may be more appropriate.
So what to write about? How about the decision to name my blog "Rumblestrips". It took me awhile to come up with a name for my blog. I think it's one of the reasons it took me so long to even consider starting a blog. I wanted the name to be catchy, unique and have some kind of meaning. Rumblestrips is symbolic to all the bumps in the road of life. All those unexpected, loud, vibrations that can usually be a warning of what's to come or in hopes of waking us up before we have a collision. Or it could signify the laughs that are caused by those rumbling vibrations we feel as we pass over those bumps in the road. Either way it signifies something meaningful (to me anyway) on the road of life. :) What does it mean to you?
So with that being said, sit down, buckle up and hold on, because we're about to start our journey on Rumblestrips.
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