This week has proven to be a little stressful. I think I'm handling it well though. Let's start with the broken stuff:
My hood popping cable (I have no idea if there's a technical term but that's what I'm calling it) is broken. We figured this out by needing to jump start my husbands pick-up because the battery is dead. (mind you, he just replaced the shifter forks in the tranny in this truck that sat for the last year due to being broken down)
Our water pipe to our toilet started leaking due to a break near the shut off valve. Luckily the leak was after the valve so we were able to turn it off until my husband was able to fix it.
Then our dishwasher died, it's been on the brink of destruction for awhile now but we were trying to milk it for as long as possible.
My husbands daily driver truck has been having issues with shifting between first and second gear and yesterday morning it decided get stuck in neutral while he was trying to get on the ramp to the highway to work.
Now onto the children:
Since we brought the girls home from Milton Hershey School they have been a challenge. They tend to disregard the rules, ignore the consequences of their actions and push limits to the end. I know that some rebellion is to be expected and that they have had to adjust to a lot of new things but I feel as though all these new things are good things. Things they should be thankful for and cherish (although I know they are too young to understand what "good" is). I feel as though I'm beating a dead horse though. My youngest daughter is starting to really act out. She's becoming physical now and physical with her sister (which isn't ok) near her brother which is really not OK with me. Today she was fighting with someone at the bus stop. She's grounded for a month from her actions all week. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle right now. They won't keep their rooms clean and I'm not talking spotless, I'm talking mountainous piles of clean clothes, blankets, pillows, etc on the floor. Enough to break your leg if you weren't careful.
I know things take time and these poor kids have been through the mill, but everything I have done for them has been for their best interest. I have lost my temper with them more times than I'd like too and yelling at them is defeating everything I have been working on with them. I realize that with the addition of another child there was going to be some animosity but it's not directed where I thought it would be.
My schooling:
I'm struggling, I'm not making enough time to study. When I do have time to study, I would rather sleep because I'm exhausted! I don't learn well on my own unless it's something that interests me and I'm doing horrible with the exam portions too. I'm going to hang tight though and do my best until December. Then I may take some time off. I'm worried this will mess up my financial aid but something has got to give.
Breastfeeding (err-bottlefeeding breastmilk)
I'm over pumping, I can't keep up with the demand of having to pump every three hours plus the time it takes to feed Rowan every three hours. Between feeding, pumping and washing pump parts I can't get anything done. I have a stash of breastmilk in the freezer and have been supplimenting with formula so I will give Rowan breastmilk as long as I can. I will only pump now until the supply runs out.
Rowan:
He's adorable! I love him to pieces. But I'm afraid of his next phases/trials with EB. I look at his adorable face and I just ask myself why. We have been doing some trials of having his hands and feet unbandaged. His hands are doing extremely well. There is no webbing and the skin is in tact. His feet however are starting to break down again. I can see his heel (the one that has constantly given us issues) is getting agitated and his other ankle is starting to blister as well so the bandages will go back on tomorrow. I'm also concerned with his penis. I believe there is a blister on the healing skin from his circumcision. Although I can't be sure. Sometimes I'm sure it's a blister and other times I'm not so sure. I don't want to leave it alone if it is (because it will grow) but at the same time I don't want to mess with his penis for nothing. Ugh!!! It's so frustrating!
Mom and dad: (As in my husband and I):
We are doing good. We are stressed as life is constantly challenging us with new things and pushing us harder. I'm sure there is a lesson in all of this but I can't even begin to see it. Maybe I don't want to or maybe I just don't have the clarity but hopefully someday it will make sense. We are holding out for some positive news in the future that will hopefully relieve some stress but for now we sit back and enjoy the ride even if it's too bumpy to enjoy.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Friday, September 14, 2012
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Absence of a Father
When you are raising a child or children with out their father(s) you undoubtedly come across some questions from your child. They will want to know what they look like, who they were, how tall they were or how you met them. They will want to hold onto every shred of connection they can from their absent parent.
Sometimes you will feel second best to the absent parent or if you have a partner they may be compared to the absent father. It's painful, not only to one's ego, but also to see that a child can only associate with someone that is supposed to be a role model to them by the tid bits of information they have either from memory or from asking a zillion questions.
How do you cope? How do you encourage the curiousity when it irritates the life out of you to be asked so many questions about the person who just walked away? Do you lie? Do you tell the whole truth? You NEVER want to downgrade or destruct the person that your child longs to connect with. So you simply say "I don't know why he doens't call" or "He knows our phone number and where we live, it's up to him to come and see you". What do you do with the Christmas present your child bought the absent parent two years ago that you have stored in the hutch waiting for the day they can give it to that parent? Do you make it disappear or do you keep the constant reminder of the pain your child feels not knowing the person the gift was meant for?
When that absent person reappears, promising to do better, promising to want a relationship and begging to be let back in that child's life. Do you let them? Do you make them prove to you that they are sincere? Or do you let them repeat the pattern that has been since the day the child was born? If the child is young, do you let them have a say and then deal with their tears when the absent father doesn't show or makes promises they can't keep or do you protect them and not let them see that person again because you know the pain they will end up with in the end?
How do you hold the resentment back? How do you gracefully and tactfully communicate with that person who has the ability to walk away from a precious gift they help create?
You love your child, you stand by your child and you do what's best for that child. You show them who loves them and they will understand as they age that it wasn't their fault and that you never know why people do the things they do. You give them as much information as you can and you answer their questions as best as you know how. You support them and you make the decision that you feel is appropriate. You know your child better than anyone and you have their best intentions at heart. It's up to you whether you tell them the whole truth or you let them decide whether or not they see their bio-father. You also realize that you will be the one who has to wipe away the tears or soothe the fears. That you have to be the rock. That's what you do. You love them and protect them as best you can and you will know deep down what's right for them and what's safe for them.
Sometimes you will feel second best to the absent parent or if you have a partner they may be compared to the absent father. It's painful, not only to one's ego, but also to see that a child can only associate with someone that is supposed to be a role model to them by the tid bits of information they have either from memory or from asking a zillion questions.
How do you cope? How do you encourage the curiousity when it irritates the life out of you to be asked so many questions about the person who just walked away? Do you lie? Do you tell the whole truth? You NEVER want to downgrade or destruct the person that your child longs to connect with. So you simply say "I don't know why he doens't call" or "He knows our phone number and where we live, it's up to him to come and see you". What do you do with the Christmas present your child bought the absent parent two years ago that you have stored in the hutch waiting for the day they can give it to that parent? Do you make it disappear or do you keep the constant reminder of the pain your child feels not knowing the person the gift was meant for?
When that absent person reappears, promising to do better, promising to want a relationship and begging to be let back in that child's life. Do you let them? Do you make them prove to you that they are sincere? Or do you let them repeat the pattern that has been since the day the child was born? If the child is young, do you let them have a say and then deal with their tears when the absent father doesn't show or makes promises they can't keep or do you protect them and not let them see that person again because you know the pain they will end up with in the end?
How do you hold the resentment back? How do you gracefully and tactfully communicate with that person who has the ability to walk away from a precious gift they help create?
You love your child, you stand by your child and you do what's best for that child. You show them who loves them and they will understand as they age that it wasn't their fault and that you never know why people do the things they do. You give them as much information as you can and you answer their questions as best as you know how. You support them and you make the decision that you feel is appropriate. You know your child better than anyone and you have their best intentions at heart. It's up to you whether you tell them the whole truth or you let them decide whether or not they see their bio-father. You also realize that you will be the one who has to wipe away the tears or soothe the fears. That you have to be the rock. That's what you do. You love them and protect them as best you can and you will know deep down what's right for them and what's safe for them.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The beginning of a new journey!
It's been forever since I have blogged and I think it's long over due. My husband and I found out that we are expecting almost three weeks ago now. It's been fun and scary all at the same time. I brought two daughters into the marriage and they are currently 7.5 and almost 9 so that will make them 8 and 9.5 years old when I deliver.
Last week I ordered the stroller and carseat- because I knew exactly what I wanted and I didn't want them to go out of style before I delivered and they were on sale. :-) My husband jokingly asked what happens if you have a miscarriage or worse yet, we have twins! I laughed him off and simply told him that I have never had issues with my pregnancies so this baby will be just fine and twins don't run in the family.
The girls are super stoked about having a baby brother or sister. Each one wants the opposite gender. They love to go "window" shopping online with me and look at all the cute baby gear. We are making a mental list of all the things we are going to need and praying for a healthy baby and a smooth transition into a bigger family.
Yesterday was like any other day. I got up and took the girls to the sitters and then came to work. I went to the bathroom a lot and had some cramping but nothing that worried me too much. After work I had a dentist appointment and they were hesitant about giving me novicaine since I was so early in my pregnancy but my regular physician said I would be fine. So I didnt worry. After my appointment I rushed to the bathroom since my bladder was full again. To my horror I was bleeding. Not a lot but I don't ever have complications with my pregnancies (right!?).
My OB sent me to the local women's and babies hospital where they took my blood, and did an external and internal ultrasound. My husband and I sat there for what seemed like an eternity waiting on some word. Was I losing the baby? Did they find something they weren't expecting? What is going on?
When the doctor finally came back she told us that the bloodwork wasn't quite done yet but she wanted to let us know what was going on and would have the office read the results of the bloodwork in the morning. But the Rad Tech saw that they are pretty sure are two gestational sacks in my uterus. Two!? I think my jaw hit the floor! The doctor said not to get two excited yet but there is a possibility if everything is ok, you will be having twins. Twins!? Oh my goodness, how exciting! How scary! There may be two little babies growing inside me. Two!
Next week I will have a follow-up ultrasound. Only time will tell if everything is ok and a full confirmation of twins. Twins! Wow!
Last week I ordered the stroller and carseat- because I knew exactly what I wanted and I didn't want them to go out of style before I delivered and they were on sale. :-) My husband jokingly asked what happens if you have a miscarriage or worse yet, we have twins! I laughed him off and simply told him that I have never had issues with my pregnancies so this baby will be just fine and twins don't run in the family.
The girls are super stoked about having a baby brother or sister. Each one wants the opposite gender. They love to go "window" shopping online with me and look at all the cute baby gear. We are making a mental list of all the things we are going to need and praying for a healthy baby and a smooth transition into a bigger family.
Yesterday was like any other day. I got up and took the girls to the sitters and then came to work. I went to the bathroom a lot and had some cramping but nothing that worried me too much. After work I had a dentist appointment and they were hesitant about giving me novicaine since I was so early in my pregnancy but my regular physician said I would be fine. So I didnt worry. After my appointment I rushed to the bathroom since my bladder was full again. To my horror I was bleeding. Not a lot but I don't ever have complications with my pregnancies (right!?).
My OB sent me to the local women's and babies hospital where they took my blood, and did an external and internal ultrasound. My husband and I sat there for what seemed like an eternity waiting on some word. Was I losing the baby? Did they find something they weren't expecting? What is going on?
When the doctor finally came back she told us that the bloodwork wasn't quite done yet but she wanted to let us know what was going on and would have the office read the results of the bloodwork in the morning. But the Rad Tech saw that they are pretty sure are two gestational sacks in my uterus. Two!? I think my jaw hit the floor! The doctor said not to get two excited yet but there is a possibility if everything is ok, you will be having twins. Twins!? Oh my goodness, how exciting! How scary! There may be two little babies growing inside me. Two!
Next week I will have a follow-up ultrasound. Only time will tell if everything is ok and a full confirmation of twins. Twins! Wow!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
A union of two plus two...
The wedding plans are coming along, but I realized today that in all the hustle and bustle of planning "our" big day that I was overlooking a very crucial part of our wedding....
When Derek and I discussed the possibility of marriage we discussed many things "we" wanted. I wanted to have a destination wedding with close friends and family, he wanted a traditional wedding close to home that didn't require everybody to travel somewhere (plus the added cost of the traveling). We decided to have an outdoor wedding in a local park, it was a good compromise for me (and him since he didn't care where we got married, as long as it was local). We discussed who we'd invite, where we would honeymoon and then eventually where we'd possibly buy a house for our family.
When we discussed the "ring", Derek asked me what type of ring I would want. I explained to him that I wanted something different, unique a three stone ring with colored stones, possibly orange since it's my favorite color. He then suggested his idea, "I thought I would get your girls' birthstones put in the ring, because I didn't fall in love with just one girl, but three". I almost cried, but since I "never" cry, I smiled and thought to myself, "where has this guy been my whole life!?"
So a unique, three stone ring with colored stones is what he proposed with. He also saved the diamonds that were originally on the ring to be set into something we would give to the girls, eventually.
So from that point on our wedding plans have been all about joining not just him and I, but all four of us, into one family. When we met with our pastor and told her our plans to include the girls in our wedding ceremony she thought it was great but confided with us that she has never done a family union before so she wanted to do some research. Our honeymoon will be a "family"moon, a trip to Disney for ALL of us to share together.
A website that I have found very helpful is http://www.idotaketwo.com/child_wedding.html there are sample vows for parents and children, unique gifts and advice. I have found several other sites as well just by google searching "family union wedding", "vows for children in wedding", "combined marriages" etc. I have been pleased to find so much on non-traditional weddings but there was something I have been overlooking. That special gift, preferrably a necklace for Derek to present to the girls during the ceremony.
We really had our hearts set on finding them a necklace that had their birthstone in it and the option of adding one of the original diamonds that came out of my ring. That way they would have an original piece of my ring as well and something signifying the importance of them in the wedding and our lives.
So what to get, a heart, a family medallion, a key or something specific to the girls? There are so many possibilities and Derek and I are really struggling to find something we both think is appropriate for them.
So a web searching I will go and maybe even try to find a custom jeweler...but that I fear will be too expensive. I just need to remember to not procastinate on finding something special to share with them on our wedding day because, on May 7, 2011, the spotlight shouldn't just be on Derek and I.
Our love goes deeper than each other, we have pieces of our hearts' in my two daughters. The bond in our family is greater than a man and a woman, it is a union of two plus two.
When Derek and I discussed the possibility of marriage we discussed many things "we" wanted. I wanted to have a destination wedding with close friends and family, he wanted a traditional wedding close to home that didn't require everybody to travel somewhere (plus the added cost of the traveling). We decided to have an outdoor wedding in a local park, it was a good compromise for me (and him since he didn't care where we got married, as long as it was local). We discussed who we'd invite, where we would honeymoon and then eventually where we'd possibly buy a house for our family.
When we discussed the "ring", Derek asked me what type of ring I would want. I explained to him that I wanted something different, unique a three stone ring with colored stones, possibly orange since it's my favorite color. He then suggested his idea, "I thought I would get your girls' birthstones put in the ring, because I didn't fall in love with just one girl, but three". I almost cried, but since I "never" cry, I smiled and thought to myself, "where has this guy been my whole life!?"
So a unique, three stone ring with colored stones is what he proposed with. He also saved the diamonds that were originally on the ring to be set into something we would give to the girls, eventually.
So from that point on our wedding plans have been all about joining not just him and I, but all four of us, into one family. When we met with our pastor and told her our plans to include the girls in our wedding ceremony she thought it was great but confided with us that she has never done a family union before so she wanted to do some research. Our honeymoon will be a "family"moon, a trip to Disney for ALL of us to share together.
A website that I have found very helpful is http://www.idotaketwo.com/child_wedding.html there are sample vows for parents and children, unique gifts and advice. I have found several other sites as well just by google searching "family union wedding", "vows for children in wedding", "combined marriages" etc. I have been pleased to find so much on non-traditional weddings but there was something I have been overlooking. That special gift, preferrably a necklace for Derek to present to the girls during the ceremony.
We really had our hearts set on finding them a necklace that had their birthstone in it and the option of adding one of the original diamonds that came out of my ring. That way they would have an original piece of my ring as well and something signifying the importance of them in the wedding and our lives.
So what to get, a heart, a family medallion, a key or something specific to the girls? There are so many possibilities and Derek and I are really struggling to find something we both think is appropriate for them.
So a web searching I will go and maybe even try to find a custom jeweler...but that I fear will be too expensive. I just need to remember to not procastinate on finding something special to share with them on our wedding day because, on May 7, 2011, the spotlight shouldn't just be on Derek and I.
Our love goes deeper than each other, we have pieces of our hearts' in my two daughters. The bond in our family is greater than a man and a woman, it is a union of two plus two.
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