I need your help!

My hubby and I are expecting baby #3 and we need your help. I want bright and colorful bedding and he is stuck on something we had picked out with our first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. Don't get me wrong...I still like it too but I want to do something different. So I will need you to cast your vote on which bedding you like best. We are trying to be gender neutral...so here goes..


Bedding A- Dr. Suess One Fish Two Fish

http://www.target.com/p/Sumersault-Baby-Bedding-Collection-Geo-Brights/-/A-11289592
Bedding B-Circles
(sorry I couldn't get the image to copy into here so this is my last resort)


and lastly Bedding C- Monkey



Ready, set, vote!!

Why I'm not so private about some things...

Anybody that knows me, knows that I'm a talker. I can talk about ANYTHING. I may even switch from 1st gear to 3rd in a conversation without even know it. My close friends and family can keep up most of the time.

Why do I like to talk so much? I don't know but I can tell you this, by me talking to people and sharing some things that others may keep private I learn a lot about myself and others.

The one major thing I have figured out is that in some way everybody has some "skeletons" or similar situations where you can find a relationship and sense of "I'm not alone in this".

I know some people may not feel right sharing certain information and believe me there is some information that I DON'T and WON'T share. But in my case sharing things that some may not has always been my way of coping, and finding understanding when I have come across a challenge I know I cannot handle alone.

Drudging up the past

I logged onto my email this morning to see that I had two new friend requests on FB. One person I thought for sure was some type of spam, hoax or just someone who wanted another friend added to their list. The other was a name I knew, a name I dreaded to see. Then I figured out the two were married.

Why did I dread seeing this name? First, the person has no direct relationship with me, one of their family members and I had the relationship. Second, this person and their family bring out a strong feeling of resentment from me.

I was young, naive and lost. I made a mistake and out of that mistake I gained a stronger sense of self a beautiful daughter and a relentless drive to perservere through the toughest of times without this person or their familys' help. But every so many years they pop up out of nowhere trying to gain some shred of connection. "Why?", is the question I ask and why now after 4 years!?

I'm resentful for the lack of support this person and their family have shown and their strong sense of rightousness they exude when they finally do connect with me in order to have a relationship with my daughter.

I should have mercy, I should forgive, but I won't be a fool.

Decisions

I have worked my current job since the beginning of the year. I took this job out of necessity of a part time job with good pay so I would be able to have the flexibility to be home with my girls more and go to school while they are in school. While the schedule has worked in my favor, the job is a stretch for me and my abilities. As I close out my first year I realize that I am not a good fit for this job. While I have been able to get by and get it done, I am not comfortable that I am doing it to the fullest capability.

So I have decisions to make. I'd love to stay home but we can't afford it. I currently have children I watch before and after school that supplement income that was lost by taking a part-time job and I know I am guarnateed at least one full time child for babysitting. I would need at least one more full time child to make it worth me staying home but childcare is not always a guaranteed income.

The job I currently have, has no benefits, no vacation, or retirement...so I wouldn't lose anything but income if I left.

Looking for guidance, insight, advice, anything. I see pros and cons with both jobs. Anybody have some insight they'd love to share?

Day Two of Thanks!

Today is day two of thanks for me- even though technically we should be on day 3! I'm always a day late and a dollar short!

Today I am thankful to not have a budget meeting at work this evening because I am not mentally prepared for it all.

:-)

So I'm really thankful for a relief from some stress.

What are you thankful for?

Day one! :-)

Today is day one.

Day one of being thankful- for good health and a supportive family.

What are you thankful for?

Selfless or Selfish?

As you may  have heard from my previous blog back in August we had been expecting and found out we were expecting twins during the miscarriage process. I thought I was O.K. with the miscarriage as I knew it was possible for me to get pregnant (since I already have two kids) and that it was possible for my husband to get me pregnant (since it was confirmed with the pregnancy that was ending all too quickly). BUT it has affected me more than I thought. When it seems as though everybody around me has just had a baby or is going to have a baby in the near future there is a part of me that is envious of their feats.

I'm ready emotionally and physically to give up my body as I know it to carry a baby for 9 months to be uncomfortable but completely joyful to know that there is a baby growing in my womb. I am also ready to give up a few more luxuries to be able to afford a baby and make a few more sacrifices so that my husband can have a child of his own (even though he is completely content on being a father figure to my girls).

Am I being Selfless or Selfish to want and long to have just one more child?

I feel as though the door to having another child for us is quickly closing. Not because we CAN'T have anymore after a certain amount of time but because we don't want to have another child after a certain amount of time.  I had my children young- gave up my later childhood to become a mom and part of me is looking forward to being a young mom with grown children, not wanting to start all over again when my older children are so close to being more self-sufficient. Is that selfless or selfish?

I feel so contradictory as I write this please help! Any comments are welcome. :-)