Selfless or Selfish?

As you may  have heard from my previous blog back in August we had been expecting and found out we were expecting twins during the miscarriage process. I thought I was O.K. with the miscarriage as I knew it was possible for me to get pregnant (since I already have two kids) and that it was possible for my husband to get me pregnant (since it was confirmed with the pregnancy that was ending all too quickly). BUT it has affected me more than I thought. When it seems as though everybody around me has just had a baby or is going to have a baby in the near future there is a part of me that is envious of their feats.

I'm ready emotionally and physically to give up my body as I know it to carry a baby for 9 months to be uncomfortable but completely joyful to know that there is a baby growing in my womb. I am also ready to give up a few more luxuries to be able to afford a baby and make a few more sacrifices so that my husband can have a child of his own (even though he is completely content on being a father figure to my girls).

Am I being Selfless or Selfish to want and long to have just one more child?

I feel as though the door to having another child for us is quickly closing. Not because we CAN'T have anymore after a certain amount of time but because we don't want to have another child after a certain amount of time.  I had my children young- gave up my later childhood to become a mom and part of me is looking forward to being a young mom with grown children, not wanting to start all over again when my older children are so close to being more self-sufficient. Is that selfless or selfish?

I feel so contradictory as I write this please help! Any comments are welcome. :-)